Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.