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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
I fake my lol`s