Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.