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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
The secret to success is in my bra.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.