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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...