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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
If you can’t face it, moon it.
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
drinks well with others.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?