Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.