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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk