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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.