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Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
That moment when being uncool, is cool
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.