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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Velcro is a ripoff
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.