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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.