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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.