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I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.