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My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.