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Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.