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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Most problems can be solved with nudity
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
I believe in love at first episode.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.