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Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
We get it poets: things are like other things
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.