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I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.