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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.