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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
real eyes realize real lies
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.