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*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.