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That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
There`s no WE in pizza.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
I play hard to get along with.