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A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.