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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.