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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.