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Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
I forgot to post this earlier
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)