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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.