Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hell hath no fury like me when Iām slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?