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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
I saw that! - Karma
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.