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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
I saw that! - Karma
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.