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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
More food should come with prizes inside it.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Do angry people know about naps?
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!