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It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.