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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.