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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.