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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet