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If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Gym update: not there
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
You had me at 0 mutual friends
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.