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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Word for the day is asstard
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
It’s a status….not your diary…
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.