Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...