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If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..