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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink