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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.