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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!