Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. Iām not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.