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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.