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Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.