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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.