Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.