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You can test my patience all you want, but Iām never going to pass.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Do you really have to breath that much?
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.