Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
God is creative... I mean look at me??
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.