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That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever