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Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.