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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?