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Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.