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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.