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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
This day needs more yesterday.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.