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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
only 9530 days until retirement.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Iām in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.