Daily Silly Status

I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.

They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.

My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.

I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P

If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.

Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?

I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?

There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...

So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!

Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.

If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.

I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..

Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL

If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.

Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?