Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.