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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. Iām starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.