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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes