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I just called. To say. I texted you.
Will be drunk until further notice.
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
How do nudist clean their glasses?
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.